Unbroken
by Traci
Summary: Post-ep for 'Know Thy Enemy'. Barbara shares a painful secret with Tommy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The usual... don't own them, blah, blah, blah. Hate the BBC cancelled the show but seeing as the author would never let them be together... we have fanfic.

Spoilers: None particular, it's a post-ep for "Know Thine Enemy"

* * *

 **Unbroken**

DI Tommy Lynley watched his partner walk away. He smiled since they had wordlessly set things right between each other but his smile quickly faded. He knew her too well. Before he could stop her, she had pulled out of the car park. She had been there for him too many times to count and many of those times he had treated her horribly, like he had on this case. She never once asked him for help. He rarely offered it with words but more through actions he could control. It was easier to keep that distance. She deserved much more from him and this time he'd do it right.

DS Barbara Havers had managed to keep a smile on her face as she and Lynley had silently apologized. She thanked him for not saying, "I told you so". If he knew the real reason behind her blindly believing Tania he would understand but that was a part of her life she had never shared with anyone. Never. She hadn't even told Tania the real truth to her aunt's abuse. Ignoring the truth kept her safe. To face it would be hell. She had wanted nothing more than to ask him over. He, more than anyone, deserved the truth but emotions were high. She was raw. She needed time to deal with everything herself first. Maybe one day.

Traffic had been light so Barbara made it home quickly. Locking the door behind her, she sighed. She hadn't had time to go food shopping and toast would not cut it. Picking up her bag, her hand was on the lock when there was a soft but firm knock. She didn't need to ask to know who it was. Opening the door, she just stared at him.

With a sad smile, he held up the bag of takeout. "I thought maybe we could, I, um, maybe just…"

His nervousness did make her genuinely smile and she stepped aside to let him in. "Thank you, Sir. I was actually about to head out in search of food."

He turned and grinned from her kitchen. "Good. Why don't you get comfortable? I've got this." He paused, realizing how much it sounded like an order. "If you want, that is."

"Sir, I'm not a porcelain doll, I won't break. But I do appreciate you doing this. I won't be more than a few."

As she turned to walk away she heard him say, "Tommy."

She turned back. "What?"

"Please, Barbara, call me Tommy. We've been friends, real friends, for far too long. Even if just for tonight."

Taking a deep breath, she was ready to fight, as was her usual response. This time, however, she stopped herself. "I can't. If you're sure you're up for it, I promise I will explain, but I can't call you by your name. Not yet." With that, she disappeared into her bedroom.

When she returned, she saw he had set two plates out on her coffee table and had even managed to find a couple candles.

"What would you like to drink," he asked.

"Something strong. Much stronger than beer right now," she admitted.

She sat on her couch and, a moment later, he joined her, handing her a full glass of whisky.

"I'm not trying to get you drunk but it sounded like you could use a bit more than normal."

"A bit?" she laughed, taking a small sip. "Thank you, Sir. This is just what I needed."

As they ate they talked about anything and everything except the most recent case and their fights. When they were done, he took the plates to the kitchen then returned with two bowls of her favorite ice cream.

"You're spoiling me," she whispered.

"You deserve it and much more," he replied.

"I owe you an explanation, Sir."

Tommy touched her hand. "Only if you want to. I didn't come over here to bribe you into telling me what's bothering you. I just wanted you to know I am here for you anytime you need someone."

Placing her spoon in the empty bowl, she sat back on her couch. "No, I do. You are many things but a mind-reader is not one of them." She pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them.

He pushed his bowl aside and sat back, giving her his full attention.

"Do you remember years ago when you showed up at my door after walking away from Christine?"

He nodded.

"Do you remember when you asked me how I manage to be okay with being alone?"

"That was a horrible thing to ask, to insinuate, Barbara, and I never properly apologized."

She shook her head. "It was fine but I lied to you. I lied about never being in a real relationship. Well, that's not true, ultimately it wasn't a real one but that's not the point."

He remained silent, afraid of where this was heading.

"When Tania showed up at the hospital, she was badly beaten, or so I thought at the time. I told her about my aunt who had been in an abusive relationship, always explaining she fell down the stairs or walked in to too many doors… I wasn't honest with Tania, either." She felt a tear roll down her cheek. She saw Tommy reach out then pull back. She knew he was respecting her space.

"The year Terry died everything fell to pieces. My parents shut themselves off from everyone, especially me. They seemed to blame me for him getting sick and for him dying in the hospital alone."

"But you were in school," he reminded her.

"That never mattered. Anyway, I had never felt so alone. So scared. A local boy, Joe, had been asking me out for months and I always turned him down. There was too much going on at home. He finally caught me at my worst and I said yes. He was nice enough, the son of a constable and such." She stopped and took a long sip of whisky.

"Barbara…"

"No, I need to tell you. I've never told anyone and you need to understand. It wasn't love by any means but when you've been told your entire life that you aren't pretty or special and that you'll be lucky if anyone pays attention to you, you believe it, especially when it's your own parents telling you that every chance they get."

Unable to stop himself, he reached out and took one of her hands. She gave it a gentle squeeze and smiled at him.

"I figured that was it, that was my life. I was nineteen, no idea what I wanted to do and he was there and would probably be my only chance. He was emotionally abusive but, at the time, I was so used to it I thought it was normal. He was the son of a police officer so that just was how people like me were treated." She felt his hand tighten around hers. "We were engaged soon and a few months in I found out I was pregnant. When I told him…" She closed her eyes, pulling her knees closer, never letting go of Tommy's hand.

"I lost the baby almost immediately, which turned out to be a blessing. After that, it never stopped. I had no one to turn to. Needless to say, it wasn't my aunt who was making up stories. My mom knew but she didn't care. As far as she was concerned, I was out of the house and she was glad."

Tears filled Tommy's eyes as he moved closer to her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to him, offering all the strength he had.

"I stayed with him for two years. I understand all too well how easy it is for women of all educations and backgrounds to get trapped. I was lucky, though. He was cheating on me most of the time and one night he went after the wrong woman at the pub. Her boyfriend beat him to death in an alley. I was never more relieved. He saved my life that night."

She leaned more into him. "Does that make me a bad person? To feel relief over the murder of someone I was engaged to?"

"No," he whispered through his tears. "And if he wasn't already dead, I'd be on my way to find him right now."

She looked up at him, still curled into him. "And that's why I can't call you by your name. If I do it makes me vulnerable again. It lets you behind the walls I have spent a lifetime building to protect myself. You are the only one I have ever truly trusted, you've proven time and again you'd never hurt me, not purposely, but…"

Tommy nodded. "I understand."

"Ironically, Joe is the reason I went into law enforcement. I figured it was my best way to help other women and find justice for them."

Leaning down to kiss to top of her head, "For that, I am grateful but I'd still have killed him for what he did to you."

They remained in each other's arms on her couch for awhile in silence, both needing each other.

"Barbara?"

"Hm?"

"Come to Howenstowe with me."

She looked up at him as if he'd just lost his mind.

"We both are long overdue for a holiday and the Met owes us. Two weeks to just relax with people who truly care about you."

She continued to stare at him so he continued.

"You have to know by now that my mother adores you and Judith has found her cohort in crime. I'll even teach you the basics of riding so we can explore a bit." He noticed the look in her green eyes changing quickly. "I'm not asking out of pity or sympathy. Visiting home just isn't the same without you there. It's quiet, it's stuffy, it's boring."

Barbara slowly smiled. "Well, when you put it that way, I certainly can't let you suffer in such a manner, Lord Asherton."

Tommy knew that was the closest she'd get to calling him by his given name anytime soon and, though done in jest, he'd take it. He picked up the two bowls and stood up. "I'm going to do the dishes." When she went to get up, he shook his head. "Nope, not this time. I've got this. I can't do that much damage. Do you want some tea?"

"Mm, that sounds nice. Are you in a hurry to get home?"

"Not at all. What did you have in mind?"

She looked away, a little embarrassed. "I, it's a nice night out, I thought, maybe…"

"A walk by the river?" he finished.

She nodded, still avoiding looking at him. "I can't explain it, but I need to reground myself in the here and now again."

"I know a perfect spot. It's not a far walk from here."

* * *

Walking beside her, Tommy could sense her relax more with each step they took. The streets were quiet so it was easy to imagine they were the only two people in the city. "Penny for your thoughts," he softly said.

Barbara laughed. "Pennies aren't worth much anymore."

"No, Thomas More really didn't have a good insight into the future economy," he teased. Gently, he nudged her with his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I am. Thank you for everything tonight. Sometimes you know me better than I know myself."

"That makes two of us."

As they came to a slight bend in the walkway, he took her hand and led her off the path. "It's up this way."

They walked up a slight hill, through a copse of trees, and emerged on a small clearing that overlooked the city.

Barbara gasped. "Oh, T… Sir, this is…" Still holding his hand, she turned to him and met his eyes. "This is perfect. How did you find it?"

"After Helen… well, I know I shut you out, and I can never forgive myself for that, but more times than not I found myself outside your door. I just couldn't bring myself to admit I needed help. So I would walk for hours. One night I wandered up here and sat until sunrise. It helped me escape for a few hours."

He helped her up the rocky ledge and sat beside her.

She leaned against his side. "When do we leave?"

Misunderstanding her, he went to stand up but her hand on his arm stopped him.

"Howenstowe. When do we leave?"

He smiled. "Tomorrow morning if you wish."

"Hillier?"

"Already called him."

"I know I give you a hard time, but I really appreciate what you have done and do for me."

"Kindness, that's a tricky one," he replied, sliding his arm around her shoulder.

"And you've made it less tricky."


	2. Chapter 2

Hadn't planned on a second chapter but it seemed so unfinished. :)

* * *

Tommy pulled up to her flat at a time he knew was far too early for her day off but she had insisted it was best if they were going to drive straight through to Howenstow. He quietly knocked on the door so as to avoid waking her neighbors and smiled when she opened the door with a huge yawn.

"Morning," she managed to mumble.

"Good morning, Sunshine," he teased and laughed when she turned and glared at him. "Barbara, we really could have gone later."

"It gets dark early now, remember? And those Cornwall roads aren't fun even in the the daytime." She handed him a mug of coffee.

"Did you pack warm? It's going to be pretty cold there once the sun goes down."

"Yes. You aren't secretly planning any social functions that I need nicer things for, are you?"

"I solemnly swear I have no such plans," he grinned.

She tried to hide a grin behind her coffee mug. "You are no Harry Potter. Snape? Oh, yes, there are many similarities there, but no Harry."

"Hmm, as I recall, Snape had some pretty redeeming qualities at the end."

Blushing, she looked away. "Well, unless you trained at Hogwarts and can magically transport us, I'll grab my bag and we can head out."

* * *

The drive had been easier than either expected and they arrived ahead of schedule. They talked as they always do the whole way, carefully avoiding the topic of their changing relationship. Tommy knew Barbara needed to work things out in her own way and her own time and she was the first woman he knew he would truly wait forever for if that's what it took.

Dorothy practically ran out the door to great them. She wrapped Barbara in a warm embrace even before acknowledging her own son. "It's so nice to have you here, Barbara." She stepped back and smiled. "Your usual room is ready. Please, know you are family and make yourself at home."

"Thank you, Lady Asherton."

"Dorothy, dear. I insist."

Tommy chuckled behind them. He may not be able to convince her to call him Tommy yet but there was no way she could refuse his mother.

Barbara looked back at him. "It was a long drive, I need to um…"

"Go. I'll take your bags up," he said.

With Barbara safely out of earshot, Dorothy turned to Tommy and hugged him. "It's also good to see you, Tommy."

"You too, Mother, and thank you for this. It's been a rough few weeks for both of us but especially Barbara."

Stepping back, she looked at him. "If you hadn't spent months pushing her away like you did…."

"Please. I know. I will never be able to make that up to her. I wouldn't even know where to begin to try."

"I'm going to visit Judith for a few days so maybe you two can sort things out without me in the way." She turned to hide her smirk and walked in the house leaving her eldest son dumbfounded in the cold.

* * *

Tommy knocked on Barbara's door but received no answer. He cautiously opened it, calling her name to an empty room so he deposited her bags and went to look for her. After a short time, he found her curled up on a sofa in front of the fire. As he came around his heart melted. She was asleep with his mother's faithful dog cuddled up in her lap. He suddenly realized he was jealous… of a dog. Quietly, he left them alone and found his mother in the kitchen making tea.

"You may have been replaced," he teased.

Dorothy laughed. "I saw. I didn't have to heart to wake either of them." She sat and motioned for him to do the same.

"What you said earlier," he began. "You know nothing has ever… we aren't…"

She sighed. "I know and I have tried to stay out of it but Tommy, it was obvious even at your engagement party. You married the wrong woman." When he didn't respond, she continued gently. "Helen was a wonderful friend to you but…"

"But she wanted the social status and the airs that came with it, I know, but I was different back then."

"Yes, you were and so was Barbara. You both bring out the very best in each other. She doesn't let you get away with things just because you're an Earl or her boss and… and she seems much more secure in herself which I'm sure has a lot to do with you working to prove she can trust you."

Fighting back tears, Tommy opened up to his mother for the first time in decades. "These last two cases nearly destroyed us, what we have. I thought for sure I'd lost her after I royally screwed up with Julia. She spent six months calling, texting, knocking on a door I never answered just to let me know she was there for me then I up and run off to Italy and sleep with my goddaughter." He buried his head in his hands. "I never meant for anything like that to happen. I was lost. I was overwhelmed with guilt. I knew Barbara was the only person who could reach me and help but I chose to wallow in self-pity. Looking back, aside from the obvious, I can't help but think what would have happened if she had been injured or worse at work because her partner wasn't there to protect her. If I'd lost her…." He looked up when he felt a hand take his but it wasn't his mother. Barbara sat across from him, tears streaming down her face. His mother was nowhere to be seen.

He squeezed her hand. "I am so sorry, Barbara. So very sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. I took my hurt out on you on this last case instead of talking to you. I knew we had things to work out personally but it was easier for both of us to ignore it. I was scared with every comment or argument that you'd walk out of my life again and it terrified me. Can you forgive me, Tommy?"

His smile could have lit the darkest night. "You called me Tommy."

She nodded. "But you didn't answer my question."

Her heart fell when he let go of her hand but in the next instant he was beside her on the bench pulling her into a tight hug. "There is nothing to forgive you for. This was all on me."

"Let's call it even, then?" she asked, snuggling into him.

"Even. Forgiven. Anything to get us back to us." He pulled back but didn't let go of her. "How much did you hear?"

"All of it. I had heard you leave the library and figured I'd get a cup of tea but stopped when you and your mother started talking. I shouldn't have listened but when you started blaming yourself about Julia I… your mother saw me and nodded for me to take her place."

"You know she plans on leaving us alone to sort things out."

"What?" She sighed and leaned against his chest again. "Maybe we should take her advice. We can't keep going on like this. I'm so confused. I shouldn't feel what I do for you but I haven't been able to do a damn thing to stop it for years."

"Me, too." He placed a kiss on her hair. "There's no rush. As un-romantic as this sounds, we should talk, really talk, about us. We already have such a great relationship. I'm confused and a bit scared, too, to be honest, Barbara."

"That makes me feel a little better."

"Go get dressed in something warm. I want to take you to a special place."

She sat up and stared at him as if he'd finally lost his mind. "It's bloody cold and dark out there."

Tommy pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and let his fingers linger a bit longer. "It is. I promise I won't let you freeze to death and I have torches. Do you trust me?"

"With everything," she whispered before leaving to get changed.

Dorothy quickly ducked into a dark doorway and wiped her own tears away. She should have meddled years ago.

* * *

"It's beautiful," Barbara gasped as the cold wind whipped around them on the edge of the cliff while the full moon lit up the sea below.

Tommy stood behind her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her back to him. "I found this spot when my father was dying and I needed to get away from everyone and everything. It's the only place I ever felt I could just be me, not next in line, not the kid about to be head of the family, just me. I've never shared it with anyone until now. You're the only person who has let me feel like I can be just me."

She turned in his arms to face him, her hands resting on his chest as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "It wasn't your fault," he smiled.

"No, I mean I'm sorry for all those comments I made and my prejudices against your lot as I put it. In the end, we're all human and we all experience pain and loneliness and anger and disappointment. I never should have assumed that you had the perfect childhood simply because you had money."

He tightened his hold on her. "Just as I never should have assumed that you would welcome my unsolicited help just because you didn't own an estate. I'm sorry, too."

She grinned. "Good, that's all out of the way now. No regrets about how we treated each other in the beginning."

"None whatsoever," he replied. "It's what brought us to this point and I'd do it all again if I had to."

Wrapping his arms around his waist, Barbara snuggled against him. "I know we have a lot to think about, to talk about but you're sure about this, aren't you?"

"More than anything," he assured her. "And you?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

He placed a kiss on her hair and kept her tucked under his chin. "Good. Tomorrow we can start to figure things out but right now…"

She tilted her head up at him and met his eyes, "Right now let's ignore the world and just be us."

Slowly he lowered his lips to hers. Their first kiss was tentative, lips gently touching until he felt her arms move from his waist to around his neck and she deepened the kiss.

The world would still exist tomorrow. Plans would be sorted. A future would be followed. They had no doubts where they were heading but, for now, all that mattered was them.


End file.
